Paradox

There's something out that has been on my mind a lot lately, and that is the issue of paradox.  In a way, this plays into my series on polarity, because a paradox is about two things that seem to contradict each other.  One could look at a paradox as an example of a polarity trying to balance itself. 
It is impossible to avoid paradox, though most of us are not aware of it.  Paradox is built in to the human condition! To give you an example of what I mean, I've collected a list of simple statements that are paradoxes.  Read each one slowly and consider the implications.  (I don't know about you, but these make me laugh!)

• I am lying.
• Never say never.
• Don't tell anyone what to do.
• God made me an atheist.
• I know that I know nothing at all.
• Moderation in all things, including moderation.
• There is an exception to every rule, (except this rule has no exception.)
• It is opposite-day today!
• I shall never make any decisions.

Why am I posting this, and what does it have anything to do with dreams?  Well, it seems the human mind is capable of, and indeed, adept at, handling paradox.  This applies to our beliefs, our cognition, and our behavior as well.  We can believe fervently in one thing, yet act a completely different way.  Or we can hold two opposing beliefs simultaneously in our minds.  (For better or for worse...)  Each of us can simultaneously be both cruel and compassionate, proud and humble, strong and weak, rational and emotional, concerned and indifferent...  We each have both animal natures and rational intellects.
To be human is to be a walking paradox.
Mainly, I think it's just important for all of us to know that.  I don't think it's healthy to fight the fact of paradox.  Yes, we should aim for consistency of character and logic, but that is not fully possible.  To be 100% consistent would be to flatten our experiences down to a 2-dimensional level.  But sometimes we can feel trapped by paradox too, and that isn't healthy either. 
Rather than letting ourselves be trapped by paradox, I think the way out is acceptance, reverence, and walking in the tension, rather than trying to escape it.  Usually if we try to escape the tension, we will swing into one polarity or the other, and damage ourselves or someone else.
Bringing it all back to dreams... we can often see our own paradoxes working themselves out in our dreams.  Often, when there's a perplexing problem to solve in a dream, there's a paradox issue being dealt with.  A marriage or sex scene often points to paradox (the union of two opposites).  You may fly, or you may be a ruler of a beautiful country...  There are many other possibilities as well!
What's your favorite paradox?
Do you see paradoxes in your dreams?

A polarity example: the axis of relationships

In my series on polarity, I am randomly choosing various psychological tensions to discuss.  This week's post is on what I will call the axis of relationship.
Relating to others is a tricky, difficult prospect.  In any interaction between oneself and another person, all kinds of questions must be raised.  The main tension, I believe, is the tension between being true to oneself and simultaneously allowing space for the other to be true to him/herself.  This creates a polarity of seemingly opposite forces within us--selfishness on one end and self-abasement on the other.  Both forces should be somewhat equally working in a person's life in order to live in a healthy balance with oneself and others.  Too far on the selfishness side, and there isn't enough fair room for other people to grow and shine.  Too far on the self-abasement side, and one ceases to honor the unique spark in one's own heart.
It's easy to see in others when they are out of balance in this area.  We all know people who are doormats, who don't have their own personalities (or, more accurately, I should say, who don't allow their own personalities to shine fully), and who burn themselves out working for others and never filling up their own needs.  We all know people on the other side who are abusers, who are arrogant, who never stop to consider how their actions might affect others, who put their own wishes as their #1 priority.  It's a little harder to recognize these imbalances in our own selves, though.
Never fear, dreams can help us.  You might see a person in a dream that you recognize as being too far from center on this axis of relationships.  Or you might see an aggressive animal. Or you might experience a dream like I had once--in the dream, I actually lay down by a door and hoped people wouldn't step on me! What an obvious dream symbol! Doormat, anyone?  (Of course, upon waking, the logical question to myself was, "well, if you don't want people to step on you, why are you lying down by a door?"*)  Another dream I had once showed a powerful fox and a meek deer.  Any number of symbols could be used to show an imbalance or a struggle with this polarity in your life.

Where are you currently operating from in your own axis of relationship?

*Don't worry, in this same dream, I finally stood up and plugged something into a power outlet--indicating that I was ready to connect with my personal power!

Polarities

I'm blogging again! Yay!

I would like to start a series of posts on the topic of "polarity," and how it might show up in our dreams.  First, a definition.  Polarity is a set of opposites that work in tension, with and against each other, creating an axis.  Polarity is necessary for health and balance in life, and we all have many different axes at work in our lives.  I like the image of a bicycle wheel.  Each spoke extends from a central point, an axle, to an extreme on one side and an extreme on the other side.  If one or the other side of the spoke were weak, the wheel may collapse.  Both sides need to have equal strength--working both with and against each other-- to ensure the strength of the entire wheel.  (In addition, we need all the spokes creating different axes, so to speak, for the wheel to be fully balanced.)

How does polarity work in an individual's life?

Let us choose a polar axis operational in each of us to demonstrate the point.  Let us take, oh, "stalling" and "rushing" as two opposites, and call this polarity "the axis of timing."  (I am making up this term, not drawing it from any philosophers or psychologists that I am aware of.  However, the principle of polarity is well-known.)  There are times when it is appropriate to wait, move slowly, be cautious.  There are times when it is appropriate to hurry, move swiftly, be assertive.  If the "timing polarity" is in healthy shape in our psychological world, we are able to move in a more or less appropriate rhythm to our life, and things that require good timing are harmonious for us.  If this polarity is unbalanced, the person's entire "wheel of life" (so to speak) can get out of whack.  Some people are prone to the "rushing" extreme of this polarity, and they often find themselves in tough situations, due to too many rash decisions.  And others lean towards the "stalling" extreme, and often find themselves quagmired, due to not enough decisions at all.

Polarity is interesting, because even though the two opposites move away from each other, they are actually attracted to one another.  Hence the adage, "opposites attract."  This works on the unconscious level, too.  A person who is out of balance in the "timing" axis of her life, leaning too much into the "rushing" side, will often find herself around slow people, slow traffic, slow machines, etc.  Her unconscious mind is attracting energies that are the opposite of her extreme, in an effort to bring her back into balance.  If she can become aware of her imbalance, and correct it within herself, the external situation will change, because she no longer needs the external "slow" energy to balance her out.

See how this works? 

Polarities show up in dreams often by sets of opposites.  Continuing with the example above, if your "timing axis" is imbalanced, you may see a roaring waterfall in one part of the dream, and a still pond in another part of the dream.  Or a racecar and a tricycle.  Or a sprinter and a broken leg.  And so on...

What polarities are you aware of in your life?  Are they in a healthy balance-tension, or do you need some adjustment?  Are your dreams showing you any out-of-balance polarities, which you were not aware of before?

The positive side of fear

Being afraid has its upsides.
No, really. I'm not being facetious.  We often spend so much energy trying to quell our fears, not realizing that they have important positive messages to tell us.

The positive-thinking movement would have us believe that fear is the enemy. While I agree that positivity is very important, there's a big problem with this.  My fears are part of me.  Your fears are part of you.  Trying to cut them off is like trying to attack our own body.  How can your body be healthy if it fights against itself?  It's the same with the soul.

Our fears are very valid parts of our humanity, and they exist to give input into our lives, to help us make good decisions.  I came up with a hypothesis recently, which is, a major cause of depression in our world may be due to people seeing their fear as the enemy, trying to kill it, and then being left with gaping holes inside.

Let's take 3 of the biggest, most common fears that people struggle with, and see what the real, and good, messages are behind them.  1) the fear of not having enough (money, resources, etc.); 2) the fear of rejection; and 3) the fear of failure.

1)  The fear of not having enough comes from a deep, very basic desire in our nature--the desire to be alive, to survive.  If something happens in your life that activates that fear--a check bounces, you lose your job, you look at a business goal and think it looks too exhausting, etc.-- what do you do?  If you're like most people, you will try to resist the feelings of fear and panic.  (See my previous post for insight into resistance responses).  However, the fear of not having enough is linked to this message: "I want to survive!"  When you reject the fear, you reject the message behind it.  Unconsciously, you are sending the message, "I don't want to survive!"  (Ironic, isn't it?)  What can you expect to happen if you start shutting down your survival response?  Depression, lethargy, and suicidal thoughts. How can you possibly get ahead in life when you are stuck in those states? 

2) The fear of rejection, is linked to a very normal desire to have harmonious relationships with others. If something happens in your life that threatens your desire for relational harmony, such as a fight with a loved one, a critical word, or the necessity of defending a controversial opinion, for example, you may find yourself dealing with this.  The fear of rejection is linked to the message, "I want to live in peace with others!"  When you reject the fear, you reject the message behind it.  Then what happens?  Depression, isolation, or combative behavior.  How can you possibly obtain peaceful relationships when you are striving in those behaviors?

3)  The fear of failure is linked to a completely healthy desire for significance in the world.  Certain events can trigger this fear--starting a new challenging project, or getting some bad news at work or home, for example.  The fear of failure is linked to the message, "I want to be significant!"  When you reject the fear, you reject the message behind it. Then you enter into a fight with yourself, leading to--you guessed it-- depression.  Self-deprecation, "workaholism," or under-performance are other possible symptoms.  How can you succeed in life when you're digging yourself into these kinds of holes?

Hopefully it's clear.  Your fears become self-fulfilling prophecies when you repress them, despite your darned-est efforts to the contrary.

How might these kinds of tug-of-wars show up in our dreams?  Running away from ANYTHING in dreams is always a big clue that you have something, most likely a fear, that you need to face.  I've seen it time and time again--when you reenter your running-away dream, and change it so that you decide to turn around and let it catch you, you discover that the scary being is actually a loving, supportive, transformational figure.  Other themes to look for are fighting, extreme opposites, or parts of your body (or someone else's body) being damaged.

Contact me if you feel it's time to discover the positive sides of YOUR fears via dreamwork!

(P.S. this post is very personal to me, as I struggled with serious depression for many years.  Depression is usually quite complicated, and isn't solved in a single day. However, it was through the process of working with my dreams that the depression began to lift.  Finally, it was when I had the realization that my fears were actually my friends, as I shared in this article, that I felt the final strains of depression release.  Since then, I've had several "threatening" circumstances arise, to test my discovery.  Instead of fighting my fears, I worked to own them and find the real message behind them.  And I was able to navigate through the difficult situations, which in the past would have triggered some major depressive episodes, with much more presence, life, and passion than ever!)

Own your fear

Sometimes something happens that grips you with fear.  How do you respond?  If you're like most people, you resist it in some way. Our natural response to fear is one of three mechanisms: "fight, flight, or freeze," all of which are resistances to the threatening circumstances, and, by extension, resistances to feeling our emotion of fear.  The "Fight" mechanism includes the very common positive-thinking approach advocated by many--"don't let negativity control your life," they say, "believe it and you can achieve it."  "Flight" mechanisms often involve escape attempts via addictions or distractions.  "Freeze" mechanisms can include the every-popular approach of procrastinating your decision-making until as late as possible, or mindless submission to the fear-inducing circumstances, putting you in a disembodied kind of feeling, preventing you from being fully present in the world.

I suggest a different approach.  Before trying to deal with the fearful situation, you need to deal with your fear, itself.  Only then will your mind be clear enough to know what to do.  Look your fear directly in the eye and say "You are mine."  Feel it infuse your body.  Watch it shake your soul up, tie it in knots, and throw it to the ground.  Analyze the effects it is having on you.  Observe, feel, and keep breathing. 

Why would I promote something insane like that?  Aren't we supposed to fill our minds with positive thoughts?  Won't we attract negative energy into our lives if we wallow in fear and negativity?

Perhaps, but I'm not talking about wallowing mindlessly.  The problem is, if you don't face your fear, it will keep your mind operating in a desperate tug-of-war between the "Fight, Flight, or Freeze" response, and the "rational, let's not be ruled by emotions" response, creating a feedback loop that can lead to depression, psychosomatic symptoms, nightmares, anxiety, failures to succeed at what you are trying to do, and more. 

Your dreams will, most certainly, show you when this is going on. You may have nightmares of scary beings chasing you, or see images of struggle between two or more entities.  Your fear, pushed down to the unconscious, simply wants a voice.  Own it, hear it, feel it, and watch it actually go to work for you and improve your life!  You probably can't believe it could be this way until you see it actually working, as I have.

Dreamwork can help you face your unconscious fears and use them to empower your life.  Contact me for help with your dreams, if you want to get to work on facing your fears!

More about some specific fears next time.  Stay tuned!

Free dream interpretation if you donate your account!

Well, folks, I've decided to give this dream interpretation business a real, concerted effort!  My friend, Shannon Ikerd, is a pro at media advertisement, and she's agreed to give me some advice on promoting my business.  The main thing I need for my little business right now is more awareness.  I'm going to need your help with that! 

There's a program out there that will allow you to "donate" your Twitter or FaceBook account to a campaign.  Basically, this means that your account will automatically retweet or repost messages from the campaign(s) you sign up for.  (You can control how often, how many, etc.)  Hopefully, via donated accounts, friends of friends will end up "liking" or "following" SleepingRealities, and I can get more exposure.  I'd be thrilled if some of you would do this for me, and I'm offering a free dream interpretation if you "donate your account" to the Sleeping Realities campaign!  You can choose between a Full Length Written Interpretation (3 pages of typed interpretation) or a Word of Mouth Phone Interpretation (30+ minutes of a recorded conversation interpreting your dream). 
 
I'm having a tough time, for some unknown reason, getting Donate Your Account to recognize my FaceBook page, so for now, the campaign is only available for Twitter users.  So if you want to donate your Twitter account to mine, go to Donate Your Account , sign in with your Twitter acct, find the Campaign called "Sleeping Realities," and then "donate."  This'll let your account retweet my posts. (You're in control of how often, etc.)

I'll let you know if I get the FaceBook thing figured out, as I'm sure many of you would rather use that than Twitter.  Meanwhile, do let me know if you Donate your Twitter, and we'll get a dream interpretation scheduled for you.

Thanks!

Going through the car wash

Have you ever brought your car through an automated car wash? You pull the car into the garage. The garage doors close in front of and behind you. The lights turn on. The enormous spinning brushes start approaching.  You hear them whirring outside of your windows as they get closer and closer... then the loud CRASH when they first contact your car. Soap is sprayed on, ... water... bubbles... brushes... noise... chaos...! 
Now (humor me,please, in a moment of silliness) and imagine YOU are the car-- can you feel what it might be like, not knowing what is happening, and feeling like you're being drowned, suffocated, pressured, scraped, bristled... with no end in sight?
And yet, when it's done, and the doors open, and you emerge, dripping, shining, and sparkling, that's when you realize, this was totally worth it.

Have you ever felt like YOU were being put through a figurative car wash?  Most people can look back on their lives and remember a period of time that felt like that.  You watched as the circumstances closed around you, preventing your escape. You had just enough light to perceive that the chaos was approaching, you braced yourself, and CRASH, it came tumbling over you, drowning your life with noise, emotion, turbulence, confusion.  Finally, when the season was over, you emerged, a very different person than when you started.

There are seasons in life that are like automatic car washes. Portals into new states of being.  Often we can't get to the clean, shiny, sparkling place we want to be without some serious scrubbing. That can be woundful to our pride, but it's true for every single human on earth.  Trials can serve to polish us, make us grow up, bring greater wisdom.

Unlike the car, though, which almost always comes out looking better than it did going in, we humans have some control in whether or not these car wash periods of life actually make us better or drown out our confidence in life.  We can try to protect ourselves by hiding away parts of ourselves from the power of the scrubbing brushes trying to clean up our lives.  We can use escape mechanisms, we can resist the process, we can do all kinds of unhealthy things, and these will hinder the very thing this trial could serve to empower--our growth.  If we don't respond in a healthy way, periods of trial can actually destroy our souls, rather than polishing them.  It's an ironic truth of life.

"Car wash" seasons in life are often portrayed in dreams as dark tunnels, narrow bridges, giving birth, or doorways.  A few nights ago, I even dreamed that I squeezed myself through a mouse-hole in the wall!  Have you ever dreamed of narrow portals? How did you handle it in the dream? Do you see how it applied to your waking life?