I should have posted earlier, but I couldn't. So here it is, Wednesday night, and I'm now getting around to journalling what happened with Dr. Thompson on Monday. As I mentioned, she's a kinesiologist who specializes in healing emotions
I liked her. She was fresh and cheery, with the directness and confidence so typical of doctors, but without the arrogant overtones. We got right to it. She started by showing me how this works. Apparently, when you say something that you don't really believe, your body loses strength. She tested my arm while asking me to say my name. It was solid and strong. Then she asked me to say "my name is ___" (a different name.) The arm dropped when I did so; I couldn't hold it up! It was crazy and almost comical! This might be able to be explained by the power of suggestion, right? But, the weird thing was that she could touch a printed statement on a piece of paper that I couldn't read because it was facing away from me, and my arm would be strong or weak, depending on if I believed that statement she was touching was true or not. Even though I never actually read the words on the paper until after seeing the results of how my arm responded to the statement.
This is crazy! And if it's really valid, then... holy crikey, there are so many implications!
But I'll wax philosophical on that a different time. In this post I want to share the results of her test. Basically, she went through a series of questions, asking me what was bothering me while pressing on my arm. My arm would either be strong or weak, depending on the answer.
I told her I had started getting really sick after a break up last February. She said,
"We can test to see if that's what's bothering you. What's the name of the guy you think might be causing your problems?" she asked, pushing my arm.
I said his name.
Boom. Down went the arm.
"Let's test to make sure. Say someone else's name."
I said the name of my brother. Strong. My other brother. Strong. A friend. Strong. "Aaron*" Boom, weak.
Then she went through a list of emotions. Grief, remorse, shame, fear, blame, and so on. The only one I reacted to was "Anger."
And here is where I started getting freaked out. Because consciously, I didn't realize I was angry at "Aaron." And for the rest of the session, this happened. My body answered a different answer than what my mind would say. She repeated the words: "Are you angry at Aaron?"
I answered, "I didn't think I was." And it's true. I've mostly been aware of grief and remorse about the Aaron situation; consciously, I haven't been in touch with angry feelings very much at all. But not only did my arm respond so strongly to the question about anger, but also, my eyes suddenly filled with tears. I couldn't make myself say "I'm not mad at Aaron," because all of a sudden I was crying. So... anger it is, I guess.
She assured me that she does this all the time, there's nothing to be ashamed of, and everything will remain confidential. Still, I felt exposed and vulnerable suddenly. Like someone had discovered something I was trying to hide. And really, apparently, a deeper part of myself had been trying to hide it from my conscious awareness. Who knows why the hell it would do this, but hey...
She told me anger is stored in the liver. She touched various points in my body, testing the strength of different organs. They were all strong, except the point that (she said) correlates with the liver. I had no strength there. She asked: "Are you waking up at nights after falling asleep?"
How did she know? I've been struggling with this off and on lately. I've used 5-HTP to help, and it's gotten a lot better, but still happens sometimes.
"Around 1-3 a.m.?" she continued. I wasn't sure the times, to be honest. SOmetimes it's probably in that time range, sometimes not. She said that's the time when the liver tends to be active.
Since Monday, I did a teeny bit of research on the liver. Since it processes the blood, liver problems actually CAN cause both anemia and blood sugar malregulation! WHOA!
The next part was so woo-woo, I had a hard time concealing my skepticism. She actually asked me a question I had no knowledge of the answers. "Which therapy do you need right now? NET? Psych-K? or Light therapy?" She tested each answer separately.
Well, I only knew a tiny bit about NET, and I had thought that was what I was coming in to do. I'd heard of Psych-K, but didn't know hardly anything about it, and I didn't know what light therapy is at all. Consciously, I would have chosen NET. But my arm went weak on that choice. And it went weak on Psych-K. Instead, my arm chose light therapy. (Do you know how weird and mind-blowing it is to think about one's arm "choosing" something independently of the conscious mind?)
She left the room to get the equipment, and came back saying that it had been lent out. We could do light therapy later on, but we'd have to do a different thing today.
She decided on Psych-K. Another freaky, woo-woo experience. She had several pieces of laminated paper that I couldn't read, because they were facing away from me. She touched each one separately, asking "which area of life needs help?" My arm went down on one, and she told me, "This is the spirituality paper. Does that make sense?"
I told her I had just written a huge blog post about how Aaron had affected my spiritual life! So... um, yes, it does make sense!
Then she touched various parts of the spirituality paper. It was a page full of statements, and I could not see what they were. But the idea was, my arm would go down on a statement that I don't truly believe. My arm went down on two different statements, and she told me what they were:
My higher self loves me.
I am ready for a powerful intimate relationship in my life, now.
She said I needed to believe these statements in order to get better.
And again, in addition to the odd feelings of embarrassment and vulnerability that arose, I became aware of the gap between my conscious and unconscious minds. Consciously I actually do think that I am ready now for a relationship, and... well, regarding the other statement, terminology is a problem, because I don't know if I believe in a "higher self" or "god" or "the universe" as a sentient entity that can love people. But, at very least, I do consciously believe that I am "loved," both by others and by myself. But apparently, my body doesn't feel loved.
The therapy involved sitting in a cross-legged and cross-handed position while closing my eyes and thinking these statements that I wanted to program into my unconscious mind. I did this, then my arm tested strong on those statements, so she said I was "done for now."
I felt different. I felt stronger. But I also felt completely disoriented. Like a stranger in my own body. And I got dizzy, brain foggy. I actually wandered out of the office without paying or saying good bye! Very strange for me!
And I haven't felt well ever since. I need to go back and tell her to fix me, because I actually feel like I got worse. My energy had been starting to come back slightly, but the past couple days, it has tanked again. I can barely move or get myself to do anything. My body hurts all over, especially my right hand, throat, sinuses, and shoulders. My glands are swollen, my nose is running, and I've been crying at the drop of a hat. Apparently, my body isn't used to living with these new beliefs I programmed into myself... or she somehow messed up my aura... or something really deep got stirred up in my psyche...
I really think it's the latter. I've had some huge psychological insights following this treatment. I'll explain in the next post, this one is long enough!